hit me with your best shot .

Saturday, May 31, 2008,1:29 pm

went to swim with ling this morning (:
wahaha , havent swam in a super SUPER long time ,
it was kind of inspired by pinli,
as we were all complaining about our staminas in training yesterday :x
swam a few laps and we went to the suanaaa :DD
was SUPER hot ,
almost buay tahan . haha .
we went in for 22 minutes before we ran out :x
it was super refreshing ! :D

didnt get my swenson treat )):
cos cherie had make up lecture )):
and by the time we wanted to replan , mum wanted to go out le )):
aw, i was craving my ice cream so bad ! :x hahah ,
went to bugis with mum and ling ,
we were supposed to leave home at one , but qiang made us late !
haha , at least he's back from camp luh :x
& & I FORGOT TO BRING OUT MY WALLET )):
so had to pay standard ticket which sucked ! :x
so rubbish can )):

anyway, walked around abit , mum was kind of desperate forme to get rid of my shoes ,
hahaha .
got a black one ,
it was just okay for me i guess .
not something i really reaaaaally liked :x
but its quite comfortable (:
thanks mum for the shopping (:

service after that was AMAZING !
though i think i picked the wrong day to wear a skirt !
eeeeeeeeesh ~
pastor tan ye ping preached .
on something which i think has eluded our minds for awhile ,
about evangelism WITHOUT the help of big events and from the church ,
the very basis of it all ,
sitting down and bringing a lost heart to Christ with the Holy Spirit alone ,
for when two or three are gathered in His name , there He is with them (:
it was AMAZING !
but it did ring bells , cos i dont think i can for now ,
i mean , my knowledge of the gospel is super weak :x
and i dont think i can answer confidently if bombarded with questions.

but God assures us with prayer ,
so we must all pray more MORE ! (:
also, as we worshipped , i felt God challenging me,
with the lyrics "to you alone"
it stuck out .
and i felt him challenging me again and again to prioritise my life .
to put him first before all things important .
and trust that he'll put everything in place .
it was amazing, seriously !
the whole church prayed the whole night .
prayed for the prompting of the Holy Spirit ,
everyone even went to their kneeees !
ohmytian , it was really amazing .

it really scares me at how many people are still out there ,
so many friends and even loved ones.
i couldnt help but pray and pray and pray .
and many many names and many many faces flashed in my mind.
it was overwhelming , maybe a little confusing ,
okay , REALLY confusing .
and in the midst of it all,
as tears filled my eyes ,
i think i began to pray in tongues ,
though i couldnt even hear what i was saying :x

also , as Pastor Tan was preaching ,
he shared about real life miracles,
first about the indian preacher , who heard God calling him to runout in the middle of the night and preach at a tree to an empty street.
even as a man of God he thought it ws weird ,
but he did it anyway ,
and preached to nothing ,
and even did an alter call,
but just as he did so,
out of the tree crawled a man that wanted to answer the alter call,
and later said that he was just about to hang himself when he heard him preaching ,
and gave his life to Christ .
ohmytian !

also about that korean pastor Dr Cho ,
about his son getting food poisoning,
and died in front of him,
BUT , he kept praying and praying , and declared to God that he would not leave the room till his son got up.
lo and behold, his son awoke ,
and later explained to his father that he DID die ,
and was brought to heaven,
and in heaven, Jesus took in by the hand and said "i cant let you in, because your father won't et you go"
ohmygoodness, this really shook something in my heart,
real life miracles.
OHMYTIAN !

by the time service was over , i peered to the clock and it was almost 11 .
ohmytian , more than 3 hours had passed so fast ! hahaha ,
quickly CHIONG to take the last bus .
which i almost missed ! :x
i was praying on the way to the bus stop .
and i didnt even realise it ,
until this person was staring at me .
oops :x
i'm sure tomrrow will be great too ! (:

& & & i think i better start studying ! :x
also, sorry to those who cant copy and paste the quiz ! ahaha ,
i forget how to take out the code :x

Monday, May 26, 2008,11:49 pm

i forgot i promised cherie to do the thingy , haha .

Rules of the Taggy Quiz:
A] People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B] Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

Here are my answers:

#1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be ?

hm , hurt of course . but , whats done is done . he must have his reasons so , EVENTUALLY , forgive and forget .

#2. If you can have a dream comes true, what would it be ?

a fulfilling life with no regrets (:

#3. What will your dream wedding be like ?

just as long as my husband doesnt run away :x haha , anywhere with his and my loved ones there would be perfect . with God's blessing of course !

#4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you ?

confused yes , but i know God's laying the road ahead of me .

#5. What's your ideal lover like ?

able to love the impefect us perfectly (: hopefully not a psychopath, and a shuaige would be nice :D a child of God , trustworthy and sincere (: key word ideal , so must fussy abit :DD

#6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone ?

being loved by someone is nothing if the feelings can be returned . loving someone when the feelings cant be returned is also hurtful . i think its more blessed to have someone to love (: eh , but having someone love you also makes you feel accepted , aiya ! halfhalf man :D

#7. How long do you intend to wait for someone u really love ?

i'll still love him , but i won't wait . its one thing to love someone as you cant force yourself out of it , but you have to know your limits (:

#8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do ?

give up on the outside, and let my feelings neturally fade on the inside(: its not good to disrupt people's happiness :x haha .

#9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days ?

yes ! studies, friends, decisions, exhaustion . not having met up with my darlings ): haha .

#10. What do you want most in life ?

i want to lead a life pleasing in God's eyes .

#11. Is being tagged fun ?

yes !

#12. How do you see yourself in ten years time ?

ten years time , 27 years old ? a firm christian, working. i really dont know . 10 years is a really long time ! ten years ago i was primary one ! hahaha .

#13. Who is the current most important person to you ?

God , technically he's not a person :x

#14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is ?

a lame retard (: hahaha , no luh . a great friend ! (:

#15. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor ?

depends .. hahaha . am i young or old ?! er , if i'm with the one i love . married and poor would be fine :D poor but not bankrupt luh :x

i will die of hunger and eat my husband :x

#16. If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be ?

the water horse ! :DDD if it stays cute and small longer :x

#17. What are one of those things which you would prefer not to do ?
smoke, drugs, backstab, make mistakes, regrets.

#18. What kind of person do u think u are ?
indecisive, insecure .

#19. What do you define as a bad day ?
when everything doesnt go according to plan , toppling one after another ! frmph. and when God's is not walking with me .

#20. If you have to choose between love (as in boy-girl relationships) and friendship, what would it be ?
friends , honestly . i dont think relationships last.

My next 8 targets are : sheela, azureen, shalini, shanmei, zhilin, chorchuan, laura, danial

8:01 pm

yeah , i've been wanting to blog

but could never get down to doing it (:

firstly , HOLIDAAAAAAYS ARE HERE ! :DD

i never thought i'll be so happy to say that , EVER !

i've seriously underestimated and taking for granted the importance of holidays ((:

i really needed this holiday , and have beeen counting down the days ! WOOTS :DD

ohmygosh , really really happy ! :DD

another reason my moood is really goood now is because i'm bitching with junwei .

hahaha , we havent bitched in a long time !

i really miss it . hahaha .

really can relieve stress .

somemore bitching about that .. that . THING !

ohmytian , she really pisses me off !

i never thought there was a right reason to bitch about someone ,

until HER ! haha ,

though i feel really bad , but its like ,

we've tried everything except give her a literal kick in the ass and slap in the face .

and the rest were thinking of doing that .

hahah , but then after the class comm thing on saturday ,

we made a resolution not to do that to people like her .

so , must REN ! and must help her *coughs :D

i wanted to post the convo here ,

cos i think its really ROFL , but abit too much also :x hahaha .

pray that God will work a great miracle on her :x

cos , honestly . i think its really kind of sad.

okay , i shall stop talking about her , cos i have mixed feelings of anger and empathy :x

anyways , this weekend has been really eye opening for me.

i've learnt alot and maybe even gained a new perspective of things .

more importantly , i've learnt the importance for being radical for Christ .

at first i though , with faith everything's okay .

and i thought , you didnt have to be THAT committed to church .

but then now i see .

we dont have much time .

there's millions to be saved and its really disheartening at times when you see your friends unsaved ):

i really dont know whats ahead man .

friday was GP exam ,

i think i'm going to flunk AGAIN ,

my topic was "censorship is a necessary evil"

i think i was concentrating on pushing myself to write a long enough essay ,

and to remember all those examples .

that i think i totally forgot about the fundamentals of the essay :x

darn :x

but , i really thank God that i remembered those egs .

i think its only through God's grace i remembered names like James Bulger .

i could never get that in . HAHAHA .

after that we celebrated the 0834 may babies birthday !

though the art people and a few others werent there .

we still enjoyed the wonderful mango cake which was surprisingly nice ! (:

everyone went off after that and wanting sharifah and i went to town to walk awhile before i met sheeela !

it was kind of impromptu cos we happened to be at town at the same time . hahha .

( paiseh shuni :x haha )

walked around with sheela awhile.

we kept changing location so i thought shuni would get pissed but she didnt ! haha .

while waiting for shuni we talked alot .

and i never knew sheela was thinking the same thing as me !

i always thought it was me being extra and thinking to far .

we were both thinking the same thing these years and finally spilled it out ! HAHA .

its nice to know we can talk about such things :x

INDIANA JONES WAS NICE OKAY !

i dont care what others say .

hahah , how can people say its sucks ! i think it was even better than national treasure .

it was really funny (:

saturday was the class comm thing ,

i was actually quite reluctant to cos shanmei and nabihah werent in the comm already .

and it was the mayflower peeps :x

haha , but really had alot of fun with them ! (:

realised we share the same sentiments on alot of things .

and our group rocked too ! STRENGTH ! :D

when we first went into the room , and say lye ,

all of us had the SHIT! face . hahaha .

could sense the sheer crappiness in the atmosphere .

hahaha . but , it was much better than the level camp .

the games were fun and we did learn alot ! (:

our group even won many games ! WOOOOTS :D

for us, i think we were really fortunate to have a great group .

no obnoxious or bossy people that surpressed everyone .

everyone was supportive and listened to the leader that time !

i also learned that Elijah is actually a really good leader ! hahaa ,

i used to think he was really quiet and timid :x

i also learned that the 26 people were really nice . haha (:

went to celebrate adeline's birthday after that .

we had steamboat ,

but . after chatting for awhile , i fell asleeep through till about 11 , HAHAHA :x

then it was time to go home already . oops :x i missed the cake and everything )):

dammit :x

sunday was best ! :DD haha , a mix of good and bad actually :x

had a really hard time finding clothes in the morning .

and there was nobody at home . haha .

so i got fedup and just threw a shirt and jeans on .

met the rest at paya lebar at er .. i forgot what time .

1230. yes 1230 ! haha ,

i was so scared cos i was late , but it turned out that everyone was late also ! hahaha .

phew ,

somehow i feel the first few hours with them are always the weirdest leh :x i dont know why :x

okay , random things .

went for lunch and then to queue up ,

by then shaun and jon came .

i was really sad that shuni and cherie couldnt come ):

maybe i should have prayed and fasted more ):

lalala ~

OHMYGOSH ! the first thing i saw in the distance was jonathan's GREEEEEEN HAIR .

hahahaha , i ROFL for super long can !

was really super shocked . HAHAHAHA .

next time give warning luh ! haha .

they kept emphasising that they were from the church i ABANDONED ):

and say they dont want me back ! so hurt !

it was fun catching up with them , and it was a long queue and wait before the concert began .

i forgot how fun sunday school was crapping and shitting with them ,

but i guessed we never really grew spiritually together till recently .

the first hour and a half of the concert was kind of weird .

i never heard redrain before , so i think the lyrics of their songs kind of struck me .

i couldnt really feeel a spiritual atmosphere .

and it was really weird :x

i felt so empty and distant .

i got really scared .

and i began to shut out and kept praying continuously .

i could feel myself feeling very uncomfortable and uneasy :x

thats what really scared me :x

they started passing a message around asking to build atmosphere .

so i think i wasnt the only one .

but , things really pulled through .

halfway , there were sharing of testimonies which really spoke .

and things began to flow again(:

worship after that was really high and great ! (:

i dont know if God heard me , but he really answered instantly ! haha .

as usual , it was like an hour later before we finally left church ,

i didnt know there were so many NYJC-ians in church !

& everyone was really super duper hungry !

aha , we ate kopitiam and went to esplanade to play games .

which were SUPER FUNNY !

carlo danced between two policemen !

then one of them went to him and say "boy uh , its okay , you can go back now"

EVERYONE WAS ROFL-ING !

it was nice to see shaun and jon enjoying themselves too !

really thankful for that (:

on the way home , something really weird happened .

i was waiting at bpp , and this strange person came up and talked to me .

first he said about how he wanted a girl's perspective on his friend's relationship prob .

and i was like . question mark .

so , i answered whatever he ask me .

which was kind of common sense leh i think .

he talked like a mixed china-jap trying to speak english ,

so it was kind of funny . HHAHA .

then , he say what , he has been learning magic , and can read minds ?

we then had this weird conversation .

weird man : yes i've been practicing magic recently actually . not like the funny joking clown kind of magic, but the mysterious serious kind . i am even learning how to read minds .

me : oooooooooookay ,

weird man : yes im serious , for example when i saw you sitting on the ledge, your legs crossed and swinging here and there , i thought you were cold and unfriendly , but then the more i looked away , the more my head turn back and look at you. but i felt i had to ask you about my friend's problem

me : erm , okay . *in my head was like OMFG tikopek !

weird man : are you a student or working ?

me : im a student who used to work .

weird man : yes , i can see that in your class , you really lack confidence , but deep inside , you know who you really are .

me : O.O dots , erm . you know that is kind of vague ?

weird man : are you sure ! i dont think so ! anyway ..

me : ohohoh my dad is here i gtg bye ! *runs off frantically .

it was the weirdest thing ever . hahaha .

im surprised he didnt read my mind about how my brain constantly banged the word TIKOPEK throughout the whole conversation.

dad was quite pissed that i've been going home late this weekend ):

that night many things passed through my mind .

about church .

i kept thinking to myself .

if i dont decide fast , i think i'm going to miss out on both ends .

i thought of everything in the past .

and where i can grow and serve more .

and i wonder , is it only memories thats holding me back.

and of course some people i'll miss .

and the homely atmosphere of a small church ,

but . i guess you have to face reality some day right ?

not always dwelling in the past .

i cant just wait for things to happen , i have to make them happen .

i dont know , really .

okay , i think this has been a really long post .

hahaha , and i havent blogged about today !

Wednesday, May 07, 2008,1:17 pm

when i see you,

and realise you're that distant.

yeah, im having another break now.

its been a super tiring week.

and its only wednesday.

everything's cramming .

everything's impromptu.

the days just run on,

and endless marathon with no finish line in sight ):

i dont know where i'm running to.

and if there's anyone running alongside me .

i never thought i would reach a point where no matter how many hours of sleep.

it still isnt enough .

it sucks living like that .

dammit :x can never be satisfied.

hahaha .

JIAYOU ! (:

anyway, trying to look for a new blogskin .

lalala ~

i miss my friends ):

i neeed them !

life is meaningless and directionless and motivation-less without friends man .

hahaha .

God sent them as little angels to walk this path with us .

i miss my darlings !

& & & SORRY SHEELA ABOUT MONDAY ! ):

i'm so sorry ! ):

Monday, May 05, 2008,11:59 am

hahah , sorry about the last post.
in the end we couldnt rent the room ,
so we just sat down and read the same book . haha ,

been having quite a turbulant mess of emotions since my last blog .
which was like only friday ?
i've been living on a dream this weekend ,
a very unreal dream.
i havent woken up,
when will i ?

anyway , long story short.
i missed training and match with tp to go for the AI conference .
at first i was a little uncertain ,
but val really made it seem like something i wont regret.
and im blessed to say i didnt ,
i dont , i still dont (:
it was a powerful message ,
and i really felt God send me a message ,
not directly talk to me i guess.
but i felt a finger pointing me .

Dr clemen Chiang.
he shared about GIVING IS BLESSING.
with the building fund and all.
i guess it was right timing ,
but more importantly , i felt God telling me about things i've be doubtful about the past year.
like , whether to go back to coa ,

Dr chiang said.
we CANT serve two churches at once.
well, not that i'm really serving but , you get the idea.
it was an answer straight to my face,
i had always thought it was okay ,
since i wasnt backsliding,
BUT THEN he said something else,
that a christian that wasnt serving in church ,
is a disgrace, stagnant.
may as well not go to church at all.
because all you're doing is receiving.
not giving

thats when it struck me.
firstly that i have to choose one church ,
and secondly.
my choice should be on the basis of which church i could serve and make a greater impact in,
not which one could make my life easier.

then i felt him say one more,
that it was time i stop giving excuses ,
get off my butt and just go back for a visit .
to make a decision .

so i decided to go back to coa today .
with it being ascension day and all.
it was a good excuse.

this morning i became reluctant again,
my laziness working again .
but yiling was the one who convinced me
she literally dragged me up.
and she told me she wouldnt let me stand alone .
thanks (:

it wasnt that bad.
pastor gilbert's message i felt was a little toned down and weird.
but all in all ,
it felt quite warm and homey to be back.
like that ring you've been craving to hear that brings back so much.
i would be lying if i said it wasnt weird.
i looked forward to see some people,
but others still felt a little weird and fake to me.
and most were just awkward few liner conversations .
i cant expect everything to be perfect after saying nothing for the past two years.
but at least i know they'll never shun me.
they'll never treat me as an outsider .
and i'm glad .
i just have to decide what can happen from here.
will i be happy ?
can i serve ?
can i grow ?
i dont know seriously.

on the other hand ,
zhilin and val and the rest have been really helpful in helping me through my spiritual insecurities .
they're always so confident and on fire for God.
and their services rock !
i've learnt alot seriously (:

but somehow , being in a big church has always made me feel inadequate.
i dont know ,
part of me always feel like i've fallen short .
like i can never make up.

Lord, help me ):
i need to take a risk ,

beside that,
i've been floating in absymal ignorance these few days .
i think i'm pms-ing.
i'm just floating ,

Friday, May 02, 2008,3:21 pm

okay . im going to have a one hour blogging marathon to make up for everything i've missed . hahaha.

today is racing by too fast for me to stop and really make a conscious decision.

for one, there's supposed to be training and match with TP later .

but i told ms tang that i have the AI conference later .

then , the bunch of us are supposedly going to town later to shop for BY day.

but they tricked me !

i thought they were going to finish at 330 and we could go ,

now , i have to wait pathetically for one hour cos they have econs o.o

eeks !

so , i guess i have to chiong from town to the conference later o.o dammit !

anyway , i realised i have been doing alot of thinking lately.

not useful pratical thinking,

but more like "floating"

thinking about the most random and minute things .

which could get me warped the whole day.

which would then lead to me missing out on everything else

hahaha ,

yesterday was supposed to be labour day.

but i totally wasted my day of rest.

we went to ahma's house all of a sudden for a sudden reunion.

when we went there.

it was NOISYY .

they usually talked real loud,

but today was a whole new volume.

i never thought it such a small no. of people could be so amplified !

anyway , each of us brought a dish, which meant ALOT of food.

ALOT . alot of GOOD foood .

i only remember studying a few pages of earthquake before i could no longer resist the urge to talk !

daniel got a scholarship to stanford ,

STANFORD DAMN UNIVERSITY ?!

ohmygosh , i never thought such opportunities existed .

like the only time you would her about this is when actors on tv said it.

"oh i'm going to stanford"

hahaha ,

it was so amazing ,

but , he is really smart .

if not for today , i wouldnt even have realised that,

OHOHOH , jac is here.

time to watch movie xDDD

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